just keep running

once again i have been neglecting the blog and I am very sorry for that, but these last few weeks have been a whirlwind of craziness. As many of you already know I am going home earlier than expected (meaning Thursday of this week or in two days) due to family health issues. And figuring all of this out has made me neglect my blog. I have also not had a lot to say recently. But anyways, I wanted to post this one last post in Israel as the end of my 5 months of being here by saying what I have learned about myself and the world, what I have decided, and any other musings. So here it goes:

1. there are truly wonderful people in this world and to them and their warmth and kindness I will always be grateful as well as strive to live in a similar way.

2. I really like pomelos and humus and will miss them deeply

3. I'm more of a neatnik than I ever thought

4. that I have realized that I can not see an enduring peace occurring here for a very long time, but I can see progress if their is a will for it to occur.

5. I'm not really religious at all and in fact only like kabbalat shabbat out of all the services.

6. I really like Wal-mart, Target, Publix and all of my daily shopping stores.

7. I am a successful user of public transportation!

8. I need to see more of the world. 

9. Hebrew is a beautiful language and I hope to keep it for the rest of my life.

10. A washing machine and a tv are musts in life. 

11. I am capable of living on my own and dealing with all that comes with that. 

12. I am much closer to my family than I ever thought I would be.

13. how to heal over injustices of the past 5 years and forgive

14. I realize how lucky I am to have grown up in the environment that I did with a loving family, an emphasis on education and a good one at that and all of the support I needed from friends and family.

15. I like Israel the best when I'm on the bus either between cities or in Jerusalem (esp the 13 bus...its the best)

So I guess thats all for now. I will probably post again once I get home maybe with an intelligent sum-up for the year, but for now these are the things that I have realized about myself over the last five months and I guess leave me with what I have to run with from my experiences here.

"some are guilty, all are responsible"

So, it has been a while since my last post, but as my mother and grandmother were here visiting me last week, the blog was put aside.

And a lot has happened since that last post in my life and in the country I am currently residing. First, I said in the last post that I would comment on my feelings and thoughts after my trip in Bet Lehem, so quickly I will do that. BUT, I want to start with the fact that it only left me in many ways more confused. 

I realized in Bet Lehem first and most importantly that I cannot believe in walls whether for security or not. Children cannot grow up walled in like prisoners in their cities and turn out full of love and wanting of peace. If I am against a wall around Mexico and celebrated the bringing down of the Berlin Wall in the womb, I can not stand for this wall either. And I guess what really bothers me about the whole situation is that if you are a member of the Jewish Diaspora Community, to care about Palestinians or recognize that their human rights may be violated is considered "self-hating" and "anti-Israel" and "forgetting the Holocaust." Which to me just doesn't fit with our values. Aren't we the people that have always been persecuted and treat the stranger like ourself? Isn't Tikkun Olam our big thing I always hear about? So why can we not see that in the Palestinians? Why is it so horrible to instead look to our religion in this conflict? Why do the greater Jewish leaders not trust us (the youth, the college students, the "next gen," the taglit birthrighters) to be able to hold such complicated, apposing ideas together to make our nation and our people stronger? Why is black and white, evil and good the only way to go in this conflict?  And what scares me the most is that occupation does not work just as colonialism does not work. Eventually the occupier seems to throughout history at best loses the colony and at worst falls apart. And I can not have Israel fall apart. All of this said, I understand that I am an American, that I do not really understand all of this. My family members have not died for this country, I have not fought for this country. Hell, I can't even speak the language. Who do I think I am to say any of this? But sometimes I wonder if maybe not growing up Palestinian v. Israeli, Jew v. Arab (Muslim or Christian) and not being surrounded by it and in a way drowning in it, if we diaspora Jews are better able to lead the way?

Anyways, I could talk more, but I'll move on. So, as many of you know, there is a war going on in Gaza right now and that's scary. Sure there are wars in America, we've been in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001, but does anyone really feel it? Every once in a while someone from the greater community is killed and its horrible and we send things to our soldiers and support our troops, but its not every 18-20-ish old person you know that you are worried about because they are invading Gaza. Yesterday, I went to my Ulpan class and my teacher's cousin was one of the four dead at that time. She was going to the funeral. At night sometimes its hard to fall asleep with the army planes flying overhead as the windows rattle. And again how do I feel? I don't know. Israel has a right to protect herself and not watch her people live in fear. But how many Palestinians have to die for that to happen. And it starts to get weird when more soldiers have died than people attacked by qassamim. And the whole time all I am thinking is that just another generation of Hamas has been created. I see a man on the news who had 10 children and all of them are dead now in this past week and all he is doing is crying as he holds one asking god what he has done to deserve all of this. And its horrible. And at the same time, Hamas pulls the IDF into the cities where the largest populations are because they people of Gaza are stuck there, causing higher casualties. And at the end of the day, all I can think about is that in 5 years, it will all happen again. Hamas will rebuild, Israel will go in and wipe them out, cease-fire. When does the cycle end? And who's responsible? 

One more thing: I'm deathly sick of the Holocaust. Sometimes, all I can hear from the Jewish community is "never again" and I hate it. I know saying this makes me look heartless, but my religion, this nation, my community HAS to stop at some point in building itself off of the death of millions. When will we be able to move forward without that shadow? When will the UJC's Next Generation day not begin at Yad Vashem? When will we heal? When will we stop looking at ourselves as victims? And we wonder why we are losing the youth to other religions?

On to happy news, I recently started a new volunteering thing (for the city of Jerusalem?!?--I have a special volunteer card) and three days a week for 2 hours each time, I go to tutor Embet, a Junior in high school of Ethiopian descent in English and a little bit of math. She's great. She loves Chris Brown (hates Rihanna) and wants to be a doctor. Being able to work one on one with her is rewarding for me because I really feel like I am making a difference which doesn't always happen in my volunteering. And its more of a friendship as we speak mostly in Hebrew and she helps me as I help her. Hopefully, in the future, I will be able to write more on her than on wars.

Love always 

the city of bread, the city of lamb

So, on the 18th and the 19th I went to Bethlehem or Bet Lehem or Bet Layhm (depending on language) with Encounter. I was an intense experience and I am so glad that I went. But there was a lot, so what I figure I will do is take this post to write down my notes from the trip and use the next post to comment. 

So, we started the day at The Hope Flowers School with Ibrahim Issa, the director and founder's son. This school teaches peace, non-violence, empowerment for women and other worthy causes to their students since 1984 in the hope to instill some of these values in a new generation of Palestinian children and leaders. The board of directors includes Muslims, Jews, and Christians. When they started they faced burned busses and the Issa family was personally attacked many times in the belief of "collaboration" with Israelis and only in 2004 did they finally receive a "cooperation agreement" from the Palestinian Ministry of Education. Ibrahim Issa told us that peace starts within ourselves. At the Hope Flowers school they work not just with the students but also with teachers and parents in training sessions so that they become non-violent, peace wanting role models as well. Children are not taught to love Israel or Israelis, but they are taught not to hate her/them and instead respect. The students study Hebrew and take interfaith classes because "religion is misused in conflict." Ibrahim also made the distinction between Peace Education before 2000 and after 2000 (2nd Intifada and reaction to it) because AFTER 2000, Peace Education had to deal with occupation. Tanks in the streets, destruction of infrastructure, curfews- people only let out of their homes once a week, people being killed everyday and many of them civilians (60% of families lost a member), home searches, poverty sitting at about 55% of the population, the Hope Flowers school having demolition notice, the road to school being destroyed, and the school itself being shelled by the army. In many ways after 2000 peace education mainly deals with war trauma and trying to make it not lead to hate, but to peaceful proactivity. 

Next we met with Sammi (something- will look it up) from the Holy Land Trusts, a non-violence organization. Sammi himself is a Palestinian refugee and lived in the states for a while and went to KU and American for University. He showed us the geography of Bethlehem and the surrounding villages. He explained the Holy Land Trusts mission to train Palestinians, leaders, children, etc. non-violence and the goals of peace having run training sessions even for Hamas and Fatah. Sammi also explained that the organization also makes sure that they do not become violent through use of "non-violence." He showed us the wall surrounding Bethlehem and cutting the city off from Rachel's Tomb completely. When he left us, he ended with a personal story, a few month before he had been in Auschwitz for the second time and this time he slept over the night in the children's bunk where so many Jewish children had spent their last nights before being sent to their death. And he said, that it is horrible how the world did not help the Jews heal from the Holocaust. That the world turned a blind eye to the Jews and let us continue being victims. 

Next we met George Saadeh, the deputy mayor of Bethlehem and principal of Greek Shepherds School. Born in Bethlehem and trained as a Mechanical Engineer at USCalifornia, George spoke first of the "siege of Bethlehem" with 9m high wall surrounding the city, of the difficulties of travel needing permits to go anywhere outside of the city, of it taking 2 hours to get to Jerusalem when it only takes me as an American 10 minutes, of the 65% unemployment and 55-60% rate of poverty, of the water to Bethlehem being turned off by the Israeli army. He spoke of the occupation as an open prison and asked how you explain to a child why they are walled in a city and not allowed to travel to visit family and not allowed even to leave their homes on certain days. But then he spoke on his personal narrative. I stopped taking note here because I was not able, so this is all from memory. On a March 25, he was driving with his wife and two daughters (12 and 15) to the mall when they came upon some Israeli soldiers. As it is occupation and at the time soldiers and tanks were regularly on the streets, he just made to go around them when they opened fire. 300 bullets were shot at the Saadeh car seriously wounding George and his 15 year old daughter each with multiple (about 5) bullet wounds. His wife was not as seriously injured, but his 12 year old daughter was killed. She was shot so many times that George and the rest of his family were covered in her blood and pieces of her flesh and her bone for over 2 hours before the soldiers would allow an ambulance to enter the area. George and his oldest daughter underwent many operations and remained in the hospital for months. His family is now a member of Bereaved Families, families that have lost members from the occupation whether they are Israeli or Palestinian. They are only looking for an end to the occupation and create justice and peace here. George is not angry or resentful, instead he ended with that "there is enough land for us all here."

Next we heard Sam Bahour, born in the states to a Palestinian family who after the Sabra and Shatilla massacres became more involved with the area besides just visiting every summer. He with a friend started the first telecom committee in Palestine to much difficulty for two reasons: 1) the PA is incompetent, ignorant and corrupt and 2) that Israel controls the air frequencies for cellphones and would not give one to the Palestinians for a long time. After he succeeded in telecom, Sam opened the shopping plaza in Ramalah, insisting on continuing even throughout the years of the Intifada. Sam spoke of Palestinians as a group of people with less and less representation to a group of people who are different in many ways making it impossible to bring all of them together for one solution simply. That the world needs to judge what is right and what is wrong based on a "baseline." That baseline being International Law, that "might can not be right" and that the world needs to recognize that the West Bank is not "disputed" but in fact in occupation. That how long must we wait for a "two state solution," knowing that the status quo is not acceptable. Instead he talked of making little improvements for general life and gradually, softly making the occupation less of an occupation and better for everyone. He spoke of the Palestinian leadership being horrible at PR and not able to perform on an international platform, but also being asked to do to much. He stated that it should not be a pre-requisite to have a good economy to be allowed to negotiate fairly. He also spoke a little on Hamas saying that their election, "was the best thing that ever happened, now the best thing would be for them to step down," because they had to become a real party. Now, it is known who is in their leadership, who is responsible. They have to have a platform and play politics. He also said that it made sense that they were elected. The Palestinian people knew only force and the military from Israel, so the responded with what they knew and force and a military. He said that "Israelis are in total denial" of what is happening in the West Bank and that the conflict is easy to solve except for 1) the refugees and 2) the settlers, Israelis need to accept/acknowledge that the West Bank is an occupation.

Hamed Qawasheh from the UN OCHA spoke of facts as the UN collects them in the West Bank. He spoke of the poverty, unemployment numbers. He noted the Israeli army's destruction or making difficult to travel on the roads in the West Bank with trenches through a road, cement blocks, earth-mounds, checkpoints, etc. in total as of Sept 2008 there were 630 of these. He showed us that the Green Line is 320 km long, but the wall is 725 km long. He spoke of Areas A (full Palestinian control), B (Palestinian administration control and Israeli security), &C (full Israeli control). He said that the PA has no problem with the wall/barrier except that it needs to be on the Green Line and not in Palestinian territory. Since 1967, 18,000 homes have been demolished and 94% of building permits are denied to Palestinians. He also spoke of the Settlers being disconnected from the rest of Israeli society, from the "mainstream" and that they see any giving up of any land as a slippery slope to the end of Israel and the Jewish State. He also said that 90% of settler violence cases go without indictment. 

We ended with a visit to the village of Al-Wahaje where we saw a community center that helps children by supporting education as their is no school in the village and they are not permitted to build one (Israeli Army will destroy). They also teach non-violence, how to live with occupation, and peace through workshops, small projects and teaching them usable workforce skills. There is no heath care center in the village and they must go through a checkpoint to get to a doctor. A woman from the village went into labor and ended up delivering her baby at the checkpoint because she could not get through and without any medical help, the baby died. We also heard from a man who's family home was demolished, so they rebuilt it, but it was demolished again and they have now rebuilt again. Each time they pay the cost of demolition. Because the village is right next to Jerusalem, they face a lot of problems and the greater idea is to either divide the village, totally surround it with the wall, or transfer the people living there.

That is about it as far as facts and what I experienced. But that took a while to type, and I'm tired so I'll write my comments and thoughts later.

bus ride

So, I have found that when riding on egged busses across the country some of my most interesting thoughts about this country, my life, etc. come to me. I think it must have something to do with sitting on a bus with a bunch of people you do not know and will never know and its dark (i usually travel at night-ish time) and all there really is to do is look out the window and think. Well, this weekend, I went to Ra'anana again for a lovely weekend with Laurie and Yakis where Eliana and I helped Laurie cook lots of amazing food in a REAL kitchen, eat lots of amazing food that we had made in a real kitchen, spend time with friends of the family, sleep in REAL beds for ridiculous amounts of time and watch ridiculous amounts of television all day Saturday. (We have no TV in our apartment and I am somewhat of an addict...it felt good.) I also got to meet up with a friend from Coleman who also lives in Ra'anana, so it was nice to see him and hear how he is doing. Anyways, I was on a bus this weekend, hence the thoughts.

And this time, the thoughts were along the same lines as the last post. What does this country have for me? What do I have for this country? At the same time what does America have for me? And what do I have for America? And can my life only be about these two countries? (If you look at my current passport, it would say yes...) And I realized that I do not know the answers to these questions because I do not know what I actually want from my life. Everyone who knows me knows that I am very indecisive, everything "depends" (thanks dad) and not just in greater questions like aliyah or very small questions like which flavor of icecream to buy but in many ways. 

Anyways, I came to the conclusion on the bus that I need to let some of these "greater questions" go. I realized that when I am here I am going to miss America. And when I am in the states, I am going to miss here. That's it. I'm connected to both and thats ok.

Also, this weekend, one of Eliya's friends came to dinner who graduated from GWU, where I will be attending next year. So from her recommendations and stories, I started to think about college for the first time in a long time. For the first time in nearly four months SAT scores and grades were important, teachers were more than just someone who also shows up for class, and leadership positions were something to keep an eye out for. And I was actually excited. But I also realized how happy I am to be here because for the first time in a long time that I have had a conversation including SAT scores, I did not want to throw up afterward. And that is only because I have disconnected for awhile.

Anyways, that was this bus ride.

to make or not to make

So, the other night, I met one of my campers and her family for dinner while they were touring Israel and during the night, her mother asked me, "So, why Israel? Why chose to come here this year and not, let's say France?" And at first I thought, wow, if you don't know why Israel would be a choice on an American Jewish girl's list than I don't know where to start with you. But I did, I told her about my desire to learn Hebrew and that this is the best place to do that, that though I do not have real family here, there are people here that I can rely on if I need to where as I really know absolutely no one in France. I also talked about future plans post college that might involve Israel and the such. And all of this is the truth. Why I chose Israel over somewhere else for this year specifically.
But, I think maybe there is more to it than this. I've never been in love, so I can't say that I am in love with this country. Also there are a lot of things and a lot of people that I really do not like here. I am not religious, so I feel no spiritual connection to this country and in fact am for some sort of two state solution to give the territories back to the Palestinians. And in fact, since being here, I have become less religious because it is all around me. So what is it that I feel for this country and why? Is it as simple as the weather? Or the history? Or the conflicts? I do not know. And I do not want to sound like all of the brainwashed American kids that come here that I walked off the plane and was wholly connected, because I do not want to be like that way of thinking at all and it's not true. So what is it?
And maybe that isn't important to know. So, I'm here and I will be back and I hope to speak its language, thats it. So when people ask what it is that I am doing here and I say ulpan every morning, everyone goes, oh so you made aliyah (became a new immigrant). And I always say no. Last week, I bought myself a new pair of boots and was talking to the woman at the store because I had to leave to do part two of my ulpan test and then come back to choose which pair I wanted. When I got home and looked at the receipt, I realized that she had taken 70 shekels off of the price. She had given me an oleh (new immigrant) discount because she knew I was in ulpan. Because why would a secular girl want to learn Hebrew if she was not making Aliyah?
And then there are those (who I want you to know are the complete opposite of me) like that super annoying kid in my ulpan class (last post) kids come here to join the army for a year and a half and then go back to the states or canada, so that they can fight for the Jewish people and be "men". And really all they are doing is the second part, boosting their egos because if they really wanted to help the Jewish people and/or the Country of Israel, they would live here and pay bills and taxes. They would send their kids through the Israeli school system and try to improve it. They would help the disenfranchised Jews of this country like the Ethiopians, they would vote. They would plant trees and start families and businesses here, not run around in uniform in a special program for themselves where they are not really needed in an army that relies on its own people who have made that huge commitment to their country. And to say that you are fighting for Jewish peoplehood is absolutely ridiculous because if you were really wanted to do that, support disenfranchised Jews in America. Young people who have lost touch with their religion, but want to find it. Create a strong Jewish family of your own and raise your kids to be Jewish. Fight anti-semitism around the world and support the smaller communities of Jews that still somehow exist. Help create a new kind of zionism. Not learn how to shoot a gun in an olive green uniform. Let the Israelis fight for their country and those who have actually chosen Israel as their home.
So what is my connection with this country? I'm not ready to say that I want to make aliyah and I'm not ready to say that I will not one day do it as well. In my time being here I've realized that this country is not my home until I make it my home and that I do not know if I want to do that. And I think that is a huge American misconception that this country is every Jew's home, because it is not. It's the home of those who make it their home.

i fought the stupidity, but the law won

So, I was going to write today anyways because it has been awhile and I had things I wanted to talk about, but then in ulpan today we had a "discussion" that left me really upset and I need to process it by typing, so here goes and the other post will have to wait.

It started with starting to learn the future tense, so of course the next thing we did was read a passage all in present tense called, "העיר העתיד’ the future city. So we talked about what we thought the future would be like and what a future city would have. Of course then we started with all of the cheesy, kitschy things that people say like flying cars and everything being run by computers. Anyways, being in Jerusalem, עיר הקודש, we of course went to moshiach. And this is where I started to get frustrated. 

First, we talked about who moshiach is explaining to those who are not Jewish (most of the class) and comparing moshiach with Jesus and Isei?? and that was fine until we got into what will bring moshiach. The stupid kid that sits next to me declared that America and Iran would blow up the entire world with nuclear power and then the Jews would receive moshiach. The very religious and into gematria Spanish guy in my class said that all the world and all the peoples would have a fight here in Jerusalem and then moshiach will come. The normal, modern Orthodox guy in my class said that if people are good, that good things will happen to them and that not everyone has to die for moshiach. (I think he was trying to say something else but it didnt quite work in Hebrew) But anyways, the annoying kid next to me then said that people are inherently bad and therefore there will never be good people to bring moshiach, a great war is inevitable. And I said to him in English (and therefore accurate and not misinterpreted) that what he is saying amounts to original sin and as a kipah wearing, orthodox kid from Canada (though also truly an idiot) he should know that is not a Jewish belief and he looked at me and said straight that there have never been good Jews and that is why bad things happen to us. It is our fault when people try to kill us because we are not "good Jews."

I couldn't believe it. That a Jew would say that we as Jews had brought the Holocaust on ourselves and the inquisition on ourselves and the programs on ourselves? It completely threw me on my back. I don't think I have ever had a fellow Jew told me that because of the way I practice my religion or other Jews who do not practice to the full extent of the law are responsible for the murders of millions of people. What kind of God can someone who thinks that way believe in? A punishing God who can only hate us? I'm still stunned and have fully made the commitment to avoid the kid I've been trying to avoid for weeks now except before it was just because he truly was not smart and incapable of figuring things out for himself or simply brushing his teeth or understanding personal space or saying really stupid things throughout class. 

Anyways, then the conversation turned to Christianity and it was basically decided (in our class of Muslims, Jews, and two Catholics) that Catholics are the same as Protestants except more religious. For example Catholics are to Protestants what Orthodox Jews are to Reform Jews. So, having grown up in the Bible Belt and general NOT IDIOT I tried to correct them by saying that Catholics and Protestants are different parts of Christianity and that no section is inherently more religious than the other. There are religious Catholics and non-religious Catholics just as there are Religious Protestants and non-religious Protestants. I even tried to explain the history of Luther and the Protestantism and no one agreed with me or backed me up or even listened to what I was saying. And I had to fight for the name of the Protestants. When in my life did I ever think that would happen? And what truly amazes me is that I am living in a city where all three monotheistic religions grew from and no one knows anything about anyone else's religion. The other day on an ulpan field trip around Jerusalem, we stopped at Terra Sancta, and the teacher leading the trip said that it was Protestant Terra Sancta as the nuns walked by with their rosaries. And when I tried to say that "Protestant Terra Sancta" does not exist and that there is no such thing as Protestant nuns with rosaries I was ignored again. 

And we wonder why there is no peace with each other. We know shit about each other. Did you know that this week is a major Islamic holiday/combination of holidays one of which commemerates the binding of Isaac except its not Issac, it's Ishmael. We are so similar and we have no idea. 

And what annoys me is that I know for example what protestant history is and how they live their lives and I understand Catholic history and the church because I have learned it in school. I know the basics of my religion and can answer a lot of questions that people have in my ulpan class but no one in that class will listen to me because I am not Orthodox and therefore can not possibly understand my religion. I am not christian and therefore could have no clue about anything pertaining to Christianity. And it is so frustrating because I know more than that stupid awful kid that sits next to me, but he's the expert we listen to when it comes to Judaism.

But, when people were saying what they wanted in their "city of the future," the religious Muslim girl said "Peace" and the Orthodox Jewish man said "A great war where everyone dies so the Messiah can come." Sometimes I wonder where religion gets us at all. And sometimes I really hate the people in mine. 

what are you thankful for?

So, spending Halloween in Israel (which I forgot was happening until the next morning) really didn't affect me so much. Sure, I missed out on some great partying and dressing up and other such fun, but you forget that the legal drinking age here is 18...Anyways, like Halloween, I also would have completely forgotten about Thanksgiving if it had not have been for the millions of status updates on facebook about it. But missing Thanksgiving was really difficult. 

Not that I didn't end up having a fantastic Thanksgiving. On the actual night, I went out with Pardes friends of Eliana's to Sushi Bar where I ordered chicken pad thai (LOVE pad thai and chicken is the closest thing to turkey at a sushi bar, but it was a mistake...next time just stick with the sushi) and ate a piece of apple pie for desert. Friday night I had Shabbat dinner at Shimon's and with Iris's amazing cooking which included cranberry sauce and turkey, I felt at least I had partaken in the food of the holiday. Also with Iris's family in attendance and sitting with Grumer, I even got the enjoy the awkward family moments which complete every holiday. It was also cool because I felt slightly adopted by the Felix's because I knew them better than the family did, so it also gave me somewhat of that homey feeling. Then for Saturday lunch, I went to lunch at friend's of Eliana's from Pardes (I'm adopting the title of being "the roommate" its really nice actually) and it was also lovely. We had more turkey and cranberry sauce and pumpkin and sweet potato pies, so food was taken care of and we played a fun mind game, "Contact," so even the family-time games were taken care of. Then last night we went to an American sing along (using Rise Up and Shine, the book) and it was actually quite a lot of fun. Singing some Jewish-y songs, but mostly American folk and "americana" songs that we all knew ranging from James Taylor to Bob Dylan to Ray Charles to Arlo Guthrie, etc, you get the idea. And it was so nice to sing songs about different states (Georgia included!) or American landmarks and ideals especially now as I have become more patriotic having spent time away from America.

But despite all of this, Thanksgiving is still a time for family and makes you remember all the traditions like making the turkey with my father and my mother's cranberry sauce. And that makes it hard to miss. But, here we have made our own little family and its nice that an American holiday reminded me of that.

During dinner on Thanksgiving (at Sushi Bar) we all went around the table and said something that we are thankful for. And I think that this is the first year that I basically said, the love from my family, the support from my friends, and how lucky I am that my life is so easy.