bus ride

So, I have found that when riding on egged busses across the country some of my most interesting thoughts about this country, my life, etc. come to me. I think it must have something to do with sitting on a bus with a bunch of people you do not know and will never know and its dark (i usually travel at night-ish time) and all there really is to do is look out the window and think. Well, this weekend, I went to Ra'anana again for a lovely weekend with Laurie and Yakis where Eliana and I helped Laurie cook lots of amazing food in a REAL kitchen, eat lots of amazing food that we had made in a real kitchen, spend time with friends of the family, sleep in REAL beds for ridiculous amounts of time and watch ridiculous amounts of television all day Saturday. (We have no TV in our apartment and I am somewhat of an addict...it felt good.) I also got to meet up with a friend from Coleman who also lives in Ra'anana, so it was nice to see him and hear how he is doing. Anyways, I was on a bus this weekend, hence the thoughts.

And this time, the thoughts were along the same lines as the last post. What does this country have for me? What do I have for this country? At the same time what does America have for me? And what do I have for America? And can my life only be about these two countries? (If you look at my current passport, it would say yes...) And I realized that I do not know the answers to these questions because I do not know what I actually want from my life. Everyone who knows me knows that I am very indecisive, everything "depends" (thanks dad) and not just in greater questions like aliyah or very small questions like which flavor of icecream to buy but in many ways. 

Anyways, I came to the conclusion on the bus that I need to let some of these "greater questions" go. I realized that when I am here I am going to miss America. And when I am in the states, I am going to miss here. That's it. I'm connected to both and thats ok.

Also, this weekend, one of Eliya's friends came to dinner who graduated from GWU, where I will be attending next year. So from her recommendations and stories, I started to think about college for the first time in a long time. For the first time in nearly four months SAT scores and grades were important, teachers were more than just someone who also shows up for class, and leadership positions were something to keep an eye out for. And I was actually excited. But I also realized how happy I am to be here because for the first time in a long time that I have had a conversation including SAT scores, I did not want to throw up afterward. And that is only because I have disconnected for awhile.

Anyways, that was this bus ride.