what are you thankful for?

So, spending Halloween in Israel (which I forgot was happening until the next morning) really didn't affect me so much. Sure, I missed out on some great partying and dressing up and other such fun, but you forget that the legal drinking age here is 18...Anyways, like Halloween, I also would have completely forgotten about Thanksgiving if it had not have been for the millions of status updates on facebook about it. But missing Thanksgiving was really difficult. 

Not that I didn't end up having a fantastic Thanksgiving. On the actual night, I went out with Pardes friends of Eliana's to Sushi Bar where I ordered chicken pad thai (LOVE pad thai and chicken is the closest thing to turkey at a sushi bar, but it was a mistake...next time just stick with the sushi) and ate a piece of apple pie for desert. Friday night I had Shabbat dinner at Shimon's and with Iris's amazing cooking which included cranberry sauce and turkey, I felt at least I had partaken in the food of the holiday. Also with Iris's family in attendance and sitting with Grumer, I even got the enjoy the awkward family moments which complete every holiday. It was also cool because I felt slightly adopted by the Felix's because I knew them better than the family did, so it also gave me somewhat of that homey feeling. Then for Saturday lunch, I went to lunch at friend's of Eliana's from Pardes (I'm adopting the title of being "the roommate" its really nice actually) and it was also lovely. We had more turkey and cranberry sauce and pumpkin and sweet potato pies, so food was taken care of and we played a fun mind game, "Contact," so even the family-time games were taken care of. Then last night we went to an American sing along (using Rise Up and Shine, the book) and it was actually quite a lot of fun. Singing some Jewish-y songs, but mostly American folk and "americana" songs that we all knew ranging from James Taylor to Bob Dylan to Ray Charles to Arlo Guthrie, etc, you get the idea. And it was so nice to sing songs about different states (Georgia included!) or American landmarks and ideals especially now as I have become more patriotic having spent time away from America.

But despite all of this, Thanksgiving is still a time for family and makes you remember all the traditions like making the turkey with my father and my mother's cranberry sauce. And that makes it hard to miss. But, here we have made our own little family and its nice that an American holiday reminded me of that.

During dinner on Thanksgiving (at Sushi Bar) we all went around the table and said something that we are thankful for. And I think that this is the first year that I basically said, the love from my family, the support from my friends, and how lucky I am that my life is so easy.

"maybe I've been here before"

In Ulpan today we watched מישהו לרוץ אתו (Someone to run with) a movie, originally a book and once again the insipiration for the title of this blog. Anyways, in the movie (which as a side-note we watched with Hebrew subtitles and with the subtitles and the fact that I had seen it before with English subtitles and read the book, I understood most of it! I'm impressive, I know) Anyways, the story takes place in Jerusalem with the two main characters "running" all around the city. 

And watching it today, I recognized the places they were. When Assaf buys the Pizza, it's at the place on the corner of HaPalmach and HaPortzim. When Tamar is busking, its on the corner of Hazoreg and the street Timol Shilshon is on in front of the guys who sell the Nargilot. And throughout the movie, I noticed more. And I noticed when we saw Assaf on HaPalmach (ordering pizza), the next time we saw him, he was running on Yafo. And anyone who knows Jerusalem knows that those two streets are not a hop, skip, or jump away from each other. It was cool.

And as I was walking home today first from Ulpan then from the after school program (מועדונית) I volunteer at, I realized that Jerusalem is becoming my city. I can give directions and know where I am in the city at any given moment. And though I would not call myself even an eighth of a Jerusalemite (ירושלימי), I feel like I know this city. And by the end of the year, I think it may feel like home. Jerusalem is the place that I (I!) first made a life for myself without family, without someone else doing it for me. 

In twenty years, (I'll be almost forty! what?) I may come here with my own family and children and this will be "my" city. It will be different of course, but nonetheless, I will walk the same streets and see the first apartment I ever rented on my own. The shuk from where I bought the ingredients for my first shabbat meal on my own. The post office (דואר) where I paid my first bills.

And of all the cities in the world, Jerusalem...

climax

So the other night, we spent the later part of the evening with a new friend on Kivunim. We ended up on a porch doing a creative sharing deal where people read their poetry or sang a song they wrote or something. We also learned a little bit about Kivunim and what they do and it sounds like it really is a great program. 

But one kid was reading his poem, and both Eliana and I (from opposite ends of the porch) reacted to it in the same way. He spoke on wanting to live his life to the fullest, to never be comfortable, to "climax" in life constantly and always experience new, etc. And both Eliana and I found it naive. 

Three months ago, I probably would have said something very similar to what this kid is feeling, but after these 2 and a half months, I've lost it. And we didn't understand each other because I want to be ok with sitting on the couch and reading a book all day or watching tv shows online instead of being out and exploring and "living" all of the time. And we are where we are because we have to seize all of our opportunities or in a sense fail this year. In some ways, I think it is harder to be comfortable with being comfortable, but is also tiring to constantly need stimulation and experiences when your whole life is your own. 

And as Eliana and I continued this conversation on the way home, I realized, that being comfortable is not some sly evil, it's being able to hug your mother when you have had a very hard day. 

It's being able to bring your father gatorade the morning after he starts chemotherapy for the second time. 

thank you for everything Edgar

Today we spent the day mostly with Edgar and various Bronfman alumni. It was very nice first to eat lunch in the King David Hotel and then to attend the book interview with David Horowitz. Lunch was nice. Gidi Grinstein from the Reut Center spoke to us, about 20 American and Israeli Alumni and others involved with BYFI, which started a small, civil discourse on the greater Jewish Network. The desert ROOM was fantastic and between Eliana and myself we may have tried everything in there. 

Tonight, we went to the Cinematheque where we drank wine and ate fine cheeses with Hillel bigshots and other of Edgar's acquaintances before heading down to the interview with David Horowitz. It was Edgar explaining and defining his views on North American Jewry and the challenges it faces and basically what he wrote about in his book, Hope not Fear. He started by saying that saying "I believe" is dangerous. But, that he does not believe in the God of the Old Testament and is not sure of a God more greater controlling God and that he is okay with that mystery. Instead, Edgar replaces God with Godliness likening himself to the Golden Rule in a sense. He does not view intermarriage as the enemy and instead takes it as fact and instead of turning ourselves into a ghetto of not allowing intermarriage, we should look to if this couple will create a Jewish Household. Edgar also feels he is pragmatic more than liberal in his ideas as Judaism needs to grow and progress and therefore will not lose its essence if his ideas become more prevalent. He spoke about Hillel, Birthright, and Tzedek. And his move from the Birthright board to the Birthright Next Board to focus on follow-up programing which he feels is vital. He spoke on the fact that he is a Proud Jew and that that is as far as he puts himself in a denomination. And that instead of Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, that we should instead look to what we like in synagogues. Dancing and singing? Davening? Text Study? And by that system we should choose our synagogue (BYFI anyone?) And finally to end, he spoke on the need for further Jewish Education and that more money should be placed into it. But what he said right before that was that anti-semitism no longer exists in the US.

Of course, he is wrong. He cited Al Gore's loss in 2000 and that no one blamed Lieberman for the loss and maybe he is right that in the media and the perspective he comes from there is not anti-Semitism. But I grew up in it. And this has been my issue (ax to grind so to speak) since my first day at Bronfman. So, I called him on it (through a good question and the help of Eliana so I didnt completely botch up my words). Being told that the only reason I am in Beta Club is because Jesus saved me is a form of anti-Semitism. Being told when I complain that I obviously do not believe in the first amendment and it is their right to do so, is anti-semitism. Having prom scheduled on a major Jewish holiday is anti-Semitism. Having my rabbi told not to come to baccalaureate (even though he had been invited by someone else) is anti-Semitism. The jokes and comments in the halls and on the busses is anti-Semitism. The insistence on group prayer in Jesus's name before any sporting event is also a form of anti-Semitism. Working a party as the people you serve sweet tea to joke about their Jewish clients in a derogative manor is anti-Semitism. No Edgar, it's alive and well.

So people tell me to move out of the small town (which I am) but then what is the point of a diaspora if everyone lives in New York and Israel. If the beauty of the Diaspora is that it keeps Jewry around the world alive, how can leaving these areas be the answer. And it has been this struggle for me (and perhaps because it is the only real struggle that I feel I am entitled to or able to sort of speak on with sounding like a complete buffoon, only mostly a buffoon) between my concern for and hate of where I came from. Do we further Jewish Education? Do we just rely on the work of the summer camps that provide sanctuary for a month each summer? Or do we just let it go and support those who get out and don't worry about those who are happy in the environment. It's a question I do not have the answer to and I think that I am sick of focusing on it. But, to say anti-Semitism does not exist is just too bold for today.

עצרת

Last night, Eliana and I spontaneously jumped on a bus and headed from Jerusalem to Tel-Aviv with Avigal for the עצרת. This memorial rally for Yitzchak Rabin is held every year on the anniversary of his assassination in Kikar Rabin כיכר רבין where hundreds if not thousands of people have gathered for the past 13 years. And, I'm not saying that I understand why this happens or how it should make you feel because (thank god) I have never lived through one of my political leaders being assassinated or felt the absolute need for peace now or how it should be achieved. Really, I feel completely inadequate to comment on the topic at all. So, I filmed the rally. I filmed Ehud Barak and Tzipi Livni and Dalia Rabin. I filmed signs and balloons. I filmed singers and drummers. I thought this would help me one day wrap my head around the whole experience. Of how Barack Obama's election changed the tone of the עצרת. And what it means when a memorial rally just becomes a political rally. To hopefully one day really understand the speeches and their specifics and dynamics. And of course, I just accidently deleted all of the footage off my camera. 

judged by the content of character

Last night, we stayed up all night watching the election results come in. Here in Israel, the only American news-source generally available is Fox and all we had, so that is what we watched. And as a side note, not only are they extremely biased (Karl Rove was on every half hour) but they also are extremely behind in news coverage technology and ability. After having grown up watching the CNN Election Center, Fox's amazement with a green screen just seemed a little out of date. But this is not important. What's important is that at 6 am (Israel time) Barack Obama became the next president of the United States of America.

I do not know if it was shock or lack of sleep or whatever, but when the TV flashed Barack Obama as the winner of the 2008 Presidential Election, I just sat there and smiled. No jumping, no screaming, just smiling and staring at Fox News as I watched a country, my country go crazy. I was one of the first million people to donate to the Obama campaign, but as the new sun dawned over the Jerusalem hills and the city glowed golden at the beginning of a new day, I didn't cry, I smiled. And when I heard him speak again accepting his new appointment, the new day's glow and something inside me warmed up and I have been shivering ever since.

Before the election, we watched Dr. King's "I have a dream" speech. Before it started on youtube, I thought this would be a nice touch as we hopefully elected our first black president, but then I heard it and remembered why I love America. It was hard to sit here, in Israel, knowing my friends and family were making phone calls and getting out the vote, while I just sat here. It was hard to see students dancing in front of the White House knowing that if I would have stayed in the states this year, I would have been there. It was hard to realize that I had "left" my country at such a critical time. And it made me realize how much I actually do love the United States of America.

When I heard Dr. King speak of continuing to try to cash the defaulted promissory note of "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" to the American people but not giving up on our bank of justice.  When I heard Dr. King call for rising to and living our nation's creed: "that we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." When I heard Dr. King dream of a day when his children are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of our character. And When I heard Dr. King hope for a day when American's could sing with a whole new meaning, "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing./Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgram's pride/ from every mountain side, Let freedom ring." Let freedom ring.

This morning I felt freedom ring as Virginian votes gave us the most qualified, intellectual, sophisticated, and personable president I have known in my time. And I remembered for the first time in a long time the potential of America and its people to change. We have come so far. From the state that began the Civil War at Bull Run, came the votes to usher in our first black president. As Thomas Friedman so eloquently put it, today, we ended the Civil War. That hits me flat on the back. Today we ended the Civil War. 147 years later and we can say that the war is over, "Let reconstruction begin." And right now, I want Dr. King to finally be satisfied. I want Thomas Jefferson to see us as Americans stand by our Declaration that every man is created equal, I want Abraham Lincoln to know the light he gave to all disenfranchised Americans with his Emancipation Proclamation is still glowing, and I want JFK to feel this new excitement of the youth and minorities. Because this election was won not by white male voters, but by the young, by the minorities, by women, and by a spirit no one can quite figure out.

I can give you facts and statements and opinions (like I have been for months) on why Obama was the better candidate for Israel, why his economic plan is more sound, how his (not socialized) view for healthcare is necessary, how his world view is more accurate and world reception is stronger. I can tell you how much of an intellectual he is in a time when we need a president smarter than the average Joe, I can tell you how he uses the experience he has for the best and how he has out-campaigned the two best modern campaign systems in the country: the Clintons and the Rove machine. But, I am not going to do that now. Today is about that warm feeling of a new morning sun. Today is about being free at last, today is about the opportunity for change, today is the day for preparing for a tough fight ahead, today is the day that I am going to think of the day when my children will not know a day when a black man, a hispanic, a woman, a Jew, and hopefully a Muslim cannot be president of the United States. 

Today is the day that I am just going to feel how proud I am to call myself a citizen of the United States of America. Thank you Barack and thank you Michelle for reviving this feeling within me. 

kitah bet

So, today I found after much confusion and test grading in my ulpan class, that I made it to kitah bet ('כיתה ב), the next step in my Hebrew learning. On Thursday, we took our test to see who in our class would pass and who would have to go back and do two more months of kitah aleph ('כיתה א). Having always been in the top of my classes and considered a good student, I guess passing big tests just came easily and I often knew that if I did not pass, then the rest of the class wouldn't either... (as horrible as that sounds) but here in ulpan, I had no clue where I stood. The Arabs in my class live in Israel, so they speak Hebrew, but obviously not well if they are in my class. Would they pass, but not me? Or what about Olga, the Russian Olah (עולה-new immigrant) who just seems to absorb Hebrew. Of course she would pass. The test came in two sections. The first was grammar (דיקדוק) and was so easy, it was weird. Then came the reading comprehension which was in past tense which we had not learned yet and the directions to answer the questions were all in Hebrew and I did not understand them at all. But, in the end, I got lucky and passed. With about 90% of my class.

But, I guess what it all has made me think about is the nature of language. What is a language. I thought I knew, but it seems that every time I am in a situation where only Hebrew is being spoken (so I fairly quickly zone out because my understanding abilities can not keep up) I return to this question. As I told Shimon, I function in English. My body functions in English and there is no way around this. And I look at my Israeli friends and realize that they completely function in Hebrew. And just how different we really although I enjoy them more than many English-speaking-Americans I know. But anyways, sometimes I wonder if we all spoke the same language if we would be as close. Does the language barrier bring us closer together because we can not fully understand each other? Obviously, this goes against rational thinking, but I think in many ways it is true. We respect each other for trying to speak the unfamiliar language and are more easily forgiving of uses of slang or intonations that we ourselves would not use or have friends that use. And I guess that learning a new language gives you an opportunity to in a small way change your personality because it gives you a whole new set of vocabulary and if we can change who we are or who we come across as just a little bit with a new language who will Hebrew make me?

But what is a language? I used to think it was a way to converse with people. But it is so much more than that. Like I said, I function in English. My body just responds to English. My mind knows what a hotel is, but a מלון it would have to think about. And it is amazing when I can pass that step. When a חשבון (bill) becomes something that I can't remember in English or when I use דואר always instead of "post office" I realize that this is becoming language. A language isn't really a way of conversing. It is a way of functioning and absorbing the world around us because I can converse with someone (briefly, very briefly) in Hebrew, but all the while I am thinking in English and translating it into Hebrew. This is not what I want a language to be because I am still in the English language. I am still functioning in English. But it is so hard to break this pattern. Even when someone asks me a question or speaks to me in Hebrew, my brain wants to translate it regardless of if I understood just simply the Hebrew. And in many ways, that is why living here and being in ulpan is so hard because I feel that in a way my body is fighting my mind over which language to function in and if I can be (one day) both simultaneously like so many of my friends here. 

And maybe I have just thought to much about this and it is all just ridiculousness (I have been in many all Hebrew conversations that I have zoned out in, though I appreciate them being in Hebrew because every little bit helps) but hopefully, I will find more answers in Kitah Bet. Because today I found out I passed the test. I have three months there.