kitah bet

So, today I found after much confusion and test grading in my ulpan class, that I made it to kitah bet ('כיתה ב), the next step in my Hebrew learning. On Thursday, we took our test to see who in our class would pass and who would have to go back and do two more months of kitah aleph ('כיתה א). Having always been in the top of my classes and considered a good student, I guess passing big tests just came easily and I often knew that if I did not pass, then the rest of the class wouldn't either... (as horrible as that sounds) but here in ulpan, I had no clue where I stood. The Arabs in my class live in Israel, so they speak Hebrew, but obviously not well if they are in my class. Would they pass, but not me? Or what about Olga, the Russian Olah (עולה-new immigrant) who just seems to absorb Hebrew. Of course she would pass. The test came in two sections. The first was grammar (דיקדוק) and was so easy, it was weird. Then came the reading comprehension which was in past tense which we had not learned yet and the directions to answer the questions were all in Hebrew and I did not understand them at all. But, in the end, I got lucky and passed. With about 90% of my class.

But, I guess what it all has made me think about is the nature of language. What is a language. I thought I knew, but it seems that every time I am in a situation where only Hebrew is being spoken (so I fairly quickly zone out because my understanding abilities can not keep up) I return to this question. As I told Shimon, I function in English. My body functions in English and there is no way around this. And I look at my Israeli friends and realize that they completely function in Hebrew. And just how different we really although I enjoy them more than many English-speaking-Americans I know. But anyways, sometimes I wonder if we all spoke the same language if we would be as close. Does the language barrier bring us closer together because we can not fully understand each other? Obviously, this goes against rational thinking, but I think in many ways it is true. We respect each other for trying to speak the unfamiliar language and are more easily forgiving of uses of slang or intonations that we ourselves would not use or have friends that use. And I guess that learning a new language gives you an opportunity to in a small way change your personality because it gives you a whole new set of vocabulary and if we can change who we are or who we come across as just a little bit with a new language who will Hebrew make me?

But what is a language? I used to think it was a way to converse with people. But it is so much more than that. Like I said, I function in English. My body just responds to English. My mind knows what a hotel is, but a מלון it would have to think about. And it is amazing when I can pass that step. When a חשבון (bill) becomes something that I can't remember in English or when I use דואר always instead of "post office" I realize that this is becoming language. A language isn't really a way of conversing. It is a way of functioning and absorbing the world around us because I can converse with someone (briefly, very briefly) in Hebrew, but all the while I am thinking in English and translating it into Hebrew. This is not what I want a language to be because I am still in the English language. I am still functioning in English. But it is so hard to break this pattern. Even when someone asks me a question or speaks to me in Hebrew, my brain wants to translate it regardless of if I understood just simply the Hebrew. And in many ways, that is why living here and being in ulpan is so hard because I feel that in a way my body is fighting my mind over which language to function in and if I can be (one day) both simultaneously like so many of my friends here. 

And maybe I have just thought to much about this and it is all just ridiculousness (I have been in many all Hebrew conversations that I have zoned out in, though I appreciate them being in Hebrew because every little bit helps) but hopefully, I will find more answers in Kitah Bet. Because today I found out I passed the test. I have three months there.