the city of bread, the city of lamb

So, on the 18th and the 19th I went to Bethlehem or Bet Lehem or Bet Layhm (depending on language) with Encounter. I was an intense experience and I am so glad that I went. But there was a lot, so what I figure I will do is take this post to write down my notes from the trip and use the next post to comment. 

So, we started the day at The Hope Flowers School with Ibrahim Issa, the director and founder's son. This school teaches peace, non-violence, empowerment for women and other worthy causes to their students since 1984 in the hope to instill some of these values in a new generation of Palestinian children and leaders. The board of directors includes Muslims, Jews, and Christians. When they started they faced burned busses and the Issa family was personally attacked many times in the belief of "collaboration" with Israelis and only in 2004 did they finally receive a "cooperation agreement" from the Palestinian Ministry of Education. Ibrahim Issa told us that peace starts within ourselves. At the Hope Flowers school they work not just with the students but also with teachers and parents in training sessions so that they become non-violent, peace wanting role models as well. Children are not taught to love Israel or Israelis, but they are taught not to hate her/them and instead respect. The students study Hebrew and take interfaith classes because "religion is misused in conflict." Ibrahim also made the distinction between Peace Education before 2000 and after 2000 (2nd Intifada and reaction to it) because AFTER 2000, Peace Education had to deal with occupation. Tanks in the streets, destruction of infrastructure, curfews- people only let out of their homes once a week, people being killed everyday and many of them civilians (60% of families lost a member), home searches, poverty sitting at about 55% of the population, the Hope Flowers school having demolition notice, the road to school being destroyed, and the school itself being shelled by the army. In many ways after 2000 peace education mainly deals with war trauma and trying to make it not lead to hate, but to peaceful proactivity. 

Next we met with Sammi (something- will look it up) from the Holy Land Trusts, a non-violence organization. Sammi himself is a Palestinian refugee and lived in the states for a while and went to KU and American for University. He showed us the geography of Bethlehem and the surrounding villages. He explained the Holy Land Trusts mission to train Palestinians, leaders, children, etc. non-violence and the goals of peace having run training sessions even for Hamas and Fatah. Sammi also explained that the organization also makes sure that they do not become violent through use of "non-violence." He showed us the wall surrounding Bethlehem and cutting the city off from Rachel's Tomb completely. When he left us, he ended with a personal story, a few month before he had been in Auschwitz for the second time and this time he slept over the night in the children's bunk where so many Jewish children had spent their last nights before being sent to their death. And he said, that it is horrible how the world did not help the Jews heal from the Holocaust. That the world turned a blind eye to the Jews and let us continue being victims. 

Next we met George Saadeh, the deputy mayor of Bethlehem and principal of Greek Shepherds School. Born in Bethlehem and trained as a Mechanical Engineer at USCalifornia, George spoke first of the "siege of Bethlehem" with 9m high wall surrounding the city, of the difficulties of travel needing permits to go anywhere outside of the city, of it taking 2 hours to get to Jerusalem when it only takes me as an American 10 minutes, of the 65% unemployment and 55-60% rate of poverty, of the water to Bethlehem being turned off by the Israeli army. He spoke of the occupation as an open prison and asked how you explain to a child why they are walled in a city and not allowed to travel to visit family and not allowed even to leave their homes on certain days. But then he spoke on his personal narrative. I stopped taking note here because I was not able, so this is all from memory. On a March 25, he was driving with his wife and two daughters (12 and 15) to the mall when they came upon some Israeli soldiers. As it is occupation and at the time soldiers and tanks were regularly on the streets, he just made to go around them when they opened fire. 300 bullets were shot at the Saadeh car seriously wounding George and his 15 year old daughter each with multiple (about 5) bullet wounds. His wife was not as seriously injured, but his 12 year old daughter was killed. She was shot so many times that George and the rest of his family were covered in her blood and pieces of her flesh and her bone for over 2 hours before the soldiers would allow an ambulance to enter the area. George and his oldest daughter underwent many operations and remained in the hospital for months. His family is now a member of Bereaved Families, families that have lost members from the occupation whether they are Israeli or Palestinian. They are only looking for an end to the occupation and create justice and peace here. George is not angry or resentful, instead he ended with that "there is enough land for us all here."

Next we heard Sam Bahour, born in the states to a Palestinian family who after the Sabra and Shatilla massacres became more involved with the area besides just visiting every summer. He with a friend started the first telecom committee in Palestine to much difficulty for two reasons: 1) the PA is incompetent, ignorant and corrupt and 2) that Israel controls the air frequencies for cellphones and would not give one to the Palestinians for a long time. After he succeeded in telecom, Sam opened the shopping plaza in Ramalah, insisting on continuing even throughout the years of the Intifada. Sam spoke of Palestinians as a group of people with less and less representation to a group of people who are different in many ways making it impossible to bring all of them together for one solution simply. That the world needs to judge what is right and what is wrong based on a "baseline." That baseline being International Law, that "might can not be right" and that the world needs to recognize that the West Bank is not "disputed" but in fact in occupation. That how long must we wait for a "two state solution," knowing that the status quo is not acceptable. Instead he talked of making little improvements for general life and gradually, softly making the occupation less of an occupation and better for everyone. He spoke of the Palestinian leadership being horrible at PR and not able to perform on an international platform, but also being asked to do to much. He stated that it should not be a pre-requisite to have a good economy to be allowed to negotiate fairly. He also spoke a little on Hamas saying that their election, "was the best thing that ever happened, now the best thing would be for them to step down," because they had to become a real party. Now, it is known who is in their leadership, who is responsible. They have to have a platform and play politics. He also said that it made sense that they were elected. The Palestinian people knew only force and the military from Israel, so the responded with what they knew and force and a military. He said that "Israelis are in total denial" of what is happening in the West Bank and that the conflict is easy to solve except for 1) the refugees and 2) the settlers, Israelis need to accept/acknowledge that the West Bank is an occupation.

Hamed Qawasheh from the UN OCHA spoke of facts as the UN collects them in the West Bank. He spoke of the poverty, unemployment numbers. He noted the Israeli army's destruction or making difficult to travel on the roads in the West Bank with trenches through a road, cement blocks, earth-mounds, checkpoints, etc. in total as of Sept 2008 there were 630 of these. He showed us that the Green Line is 320 km long, but the wall is 725 km long. He spoke of Areas A (full Palestinian control), B (Palestinian administration control and Israeli security), &C (full Israeli control). He said that the PA has no problem with the wall/barrier except that it needs to be on the Green Line and not in Palestinian territory. Since 1967, 18,000 homes have been demolished and 94% of building permits are denied to Palestinians. He also spoke of the Settlers being disconnected from the rest of Israeli society, from the "mainstream" and that they see any giving up of any land as a slippery slope to the end of Israel and the Jewish State. He also said that 90% of settler violence cases go without indictment. 

We ended with a visit to the village of Al-Wahaje where we saw a community center that helps children by supporting education as their is no school in the village and they are not permitted to build one (Israeli Army will destroy). They also teach non-violence, how to live with occupation, and peace through workshops, small projects and teaching them usable workforce skills. There is no heath care center in the village and they must go through a checkpoint to get to a doctor. A woman from the village went into labor and ended up delivering her baby at the checkpoint because she could not get through and without any medical help, the baby died. We also heard from a man who's family home was demolished, so they rebuilt it, but it was demolished again and they have now rebuilt again. Each time they pay the cost of demolition. Because the village is right next to Jerusalem, they face a lot of problems and the greater idea is to either divide the village, totally surround it with the wall, or transfer the people living there.

That is about it as far as facts and what I experienced. But that took a while to type, and I'm tired so I'll write my comments and thoughts later.

bus ride

So, I have found that when riding on egged busses across the country some of my most interesting thoughts about this country, my life, etc. come to me. I think it must have something to do with sitting on a bus with a bunch of people you do not know and will never know and its dark (i usually travel at night-ish time) and all there really is to do is look out the window and think. Well, this weekend, I went to Ra'anana again for a lovely weekend with Laurie and Yakis where Eliana and I helped Laurie cook lots of amazing food in a REAL kitchen, eat lots of amazing food that we had made in a real kitchen, spend time with friends of the family, sleep in REAL beds for ridiculous amounts of time and watch ridiculous amounts of television all day Saturday. (We have no TV in our apartment and I am somewhat of an addict...it felt good.) I also got to meet up with a friend from Coleman who also lives in Ra'anana, so it was nice to see him and hear how he is doing. Anyways, I was on a bus this weekend, hence the thoughts.

And this time, the thoughts were along the same lines as the last post. What does this country have for me? What do I have for this country? At the same time what does America have for me? And what do I have for America? And can my life only be about these two countries? (If you look at my current passport, it would say yes...) And I realized that I do not know the answers to these questions because I do not know what I actually want from my life. Everyone who knows me knows that I am very indecisive, everything "depends" (thanks dad) and not just in greater questions like aliyah or very small questions like which flavor of icecream to buy but in many ways. 

Anyways, I came to the conclusion on the bus that I need to let some of these "greater questions" go. I realized that when I am here I am going to miss America. And when I am in the states, I am going to miss here. That's it. I'm connected to both and thats ok.

Also, this weekend, one of Eliya's friends came to dinner who graduated from GWU, where I will be attending next year. So from her recommendations and stories, I started to think about college for the first time in a long time. For the first time in nearly four months SAT scores and grades were important, teachers were more than just someone who also shows up for class, and leadership positions were something to keep an eye out for. And I was actually excited. But I also realized how happy I am to be here because for the first time in a long time that I have had a conversation including SAT scores, I did not want to throw up afterward. And that is only because I have disconnected for awhile.

Anyways, that was this bus ride.

to make or not to make

So, the other night, I met one of my campers and her family for dinner while they were touring Israel and during the night, her mother asked me, "So, why Israel? Why chose to come here this year and not, let's say France?" And at first I thought, wow, if you don't know why Israel would be a choice on an American Jewish girl's list than I don't know where to start with you. But I did, I told her about my desire to learn Hebrew and that this is the best place to do that, that though I do not have real family here, there are people here that I can rely on if I need to where as I really know absolutely no one in France. I also talked about future plans post college that might involve Israel and the such. And all of this is the truth. Why I chose Israel over somewhere else for this year specifically.
But, I think maybe there is more to it than this. I've never been in love, so I can't say that I am in love with this country. Also there are a lot of things and a lot of people that I really do not like here. I am not religious, so I feel no spiritual connection to this country and in fact am for some sort of two state solution to give the territories back to the Palestinians. And in fact, since being here, I have become less religious because it is all around me. So what is it that I feel for this country and why? Is it as simple as the weather? Or the history? Or the conflicts? I do not know. And I do not want to sound like all of the brainwashed American kids that come here that I walked off the plane and was wholly connected, because I do not want to be like that way of thinking at all and it's not true. So what is it?
And maybe that isn't important to know. So, I'm here and I will be back and I hope to speak its language, thats it. So when people ask what it is that I am doing here and I say ulpan every morning, everyone goes, oh so you made aliyah (became a new immigrant). And I always say no. Last week, I bought myself a new pair of boots and was talking to the woman at the store because I had to leave to do part two of my ulpan test and then come back to choose which pair I wanted. When I got home and looked at the receipt, I realized that she had taken 70 shekels off of the price. She had given me an oleh (new immigrant) discount because she knew I was in ulpan. Because why would a secular girl want to learn Hebrew if she was not making Aliyah?
And then there are those (who I want you to know are the complete opposite of me) like that super annoying kid in my ulpan class (last post) kids come here to join the army for a year and a half and then go back to the states or canada, so that they can fight for the Jewish people and be "men". And really all they are doing is the second part, boosting their egos because if they really wanted to help the Jewish people and/or the Country of Israel, they would live here and pay bills and taxes. They would send their kids through the Israeli school system and try to improve it. They would help the disenfranchised Jews of this country like the Ethiopians, they would vote. They would plant trees and start families and businesses here, not run around in uniform in a special program for themselves where they are not really needed in an army that relies on its own people who have made that huge commitment to their country. And to say that you are fighting for Jewish peoplehood is absolutely ridiculous because if you were really wanted to do that, support disenfranchised Jews in America. Young people who have lost touch with their religion, but want to find it. Create a strong Jewish family of your own and raise your kids to be Jewish. Fight anti-semitism around the world and support the smaller communities of Jews that still somehow exist. Help create a new kind of zionism. Not learn how to shoot a gun in an olive green uniform. Let the Israelis fight for their country and those who have actually chosen Israel as their home.
So what is my connection with this country? I'm not ready to say that I want to make aliyah and I'm not ready to say that I will not one day do it as well. In my time being here I've realized that this country is not my home until I make it my home and that I do not know if I want to do that. And I think that is a huge American misconception that this country is every Jew's home, because it is not. It's the home of those who make it their home.

i fought the stupidity, but the law won

So, I was going to write today anyways because it has been awhile and I had things I wanted to talk about, but then in ulpan today we had a "discussion" that left me really upset and I need to process it by typing, so here goes and the other post will have to wait.

It started with starting to learn the future tense, so of course the next thing we did was read a passage all in present tense called, "העיר העתיד’ the future city. So we talked about what we thought the future would be like and what a future city would have. Of course then we started with all of the cheesy, kitschy things that people say like flying cars and everything being run by computers. Anyways, being in Jerusalem, עיר הקודש, we of course went to moshiach. And this is where I started to get frustrated. 

First, we talked about who moshiach is explaining to those who are not Jewish (most of the class) and comparing moshiach with Jesus and Isei?? and that was fine until we got into what will bring moshiach. The stupid kid that sits next to me declared that America and Iran would blow up the entire world with nuclear power and then the Jews would receive moshiach. The very religious and into gematria Spanish guy in my class said that all the world and all the peoples would have a fight here in Jerusalem and then moshiach will come. The normal, modern Orthodox guy in my class said that if people are good, that good things will happen to them and that not everyone has to die for moshiach. (I think he was trying to say something else but it didnt quite work in Hebrew) But anyways, the annoying kid next to me then said that people are inherently bad and therefore there will never be good people to bring moshiach, a great war is inevitable. And I said to him in English (and therefore accurate and not misinterpreted) that what he is saying amounts to original sin and as a kipah wearing, orthodox kid from Canada (though also truly an idiot) he should know that is not a Jewish belief and he looked at me and said straight that there have never been good Jews and that is why bad things happen to us. It is our fault when people try to kill us because we are not "good Jews."

I couldn't believe it. That a Jew would say that we as Jews had brought the Holocaust on ourselves and the inquisition on ourselves and the programs on ourselves? It completely threw me on my back. I don't think I have ever had a fellow Jew told me that because of the way I practice my religion or other Jews who do not practice to the full extent of the law are responsible for the murders of millions of people. What kind of God can someone who thinks that way believe in? A punishing God who can only hate us? I'm still stunned and have fully made the commitment to avoid the kid I've been trying to avoid for weeks now except before it was just because he truly was not smart and incapable of figuring things out for himself or simply brushing his teeth or understanding personal space or saying really stupid things throughout class. 

Anyways, then the conversation turned to Christianity and it was basically decided (in our class of Muslims, Jews, and two Catholics) that Catholics are the same as Protestants except more religious. For example Catholics are to Protestants what Orthodox Jews are to Reform Jews. So, having grown up in the Bible Belt and general NOT IDIOT I tried to correct them by saying that Catholics and Protestants are different parts of Christianity and that no section is inherently more religious than the other. There are religious Catholics and non-religious Catholics just as there are Religious Protestants and non-religious Protestants. I even tried to explain the history of Luther and the Protestantism and no one agreed with me or backed me up or even listened to what I was saying. And I had to fight for the name of the Protestants. When in my life did I ever think that would happen? And what truly amazes me is that I am living in a city where all three monotheistic religions grew from and no one knows anything about anyone else's religion. The other day on an ulpan field trip around Jerusalem, we stopped at Terra Sancta, and the teacher leading the trip said that it was Protestant Terra Sancta as the nuns walked by with their rosaries. And when I tried to say that "Protestant Terra Sancta" does not exist and that there is no such thing as Protestant nuns with rosaries I was ignored again. 

And we wonder why there is no peace with each other. We know shit about each other. Did you know that this week is a major Islamic holiday/combination of holidays one of which commemerates the binding of Isaac except its not Issac, it's Ishmael. We are so similar and we have no idea. 

And what annoys me is that I know for example what protestant history is and how they live their lives and I understand Catholic history and the church because I have learned it in school. I know the basics of my religion and can answer a lot of questions that people have in my ulpan class but no one in that class will listen to me because I am not Orthodox and therefore can not possibly understand my religion. I am not christian and therefore could have no clue about anything pertaining to Christianity. And it is so frustrating because I know more than that stupid awful kid that sits next to me, but he's the expert we listen to when it comes to Judaism.

But, when people were saying what they wanted in their "city of the future," the religious Muslim girl said "Peace" and the Orthodox Jewish man said "A great war where everyone dies so the Messiah can come." Sometimes I wonder where religion gets us at all. And sometimes I really hate the people in mine. 

what are you thankful for?

So, spending Halloween in Israel (which I forgot was happening until the next morning) really didn't affect me so much. Sure, I missed out on some great partying and dressing up and other such fun, but you forget that the legal drinking age here is 18...Anyways, like Halloween, I also would have completely forgotten about Thanksgiving if it had not have been for the millions of status updates on facebook about it. But missing Thanksgiving was really difficult. 

Not that I didn't end up having a fantastic Thanksgiving. On the actual night, I went out with Pardes friends of Eliana's to Sushi Bar where I ordered chicken pad thai (LOVE pad thai and chicken is the closest thing to turkey at a sushi bar, but it was a mistake...next time just stick with the sushi) and ate a piece of apple pie for desert. Friday night I had Shabbat dinner at Shimon's and with Iris's amazing cooking which included cranberry sauce and turkey, I felt at least I had partaken in the food of the holiday. Also with Iris's family in attendance and sitting with Grumer, I even got the enjoy the awkward family moments which complete every holiday. It was also cool because I felt slightly adopted by the Felix's because I knew them better than the family did, so it also gave me somewhat of that homey feeling. Then for Saturday lunch, I went to lunch at friend's of Eliana's from Pardes (I'm adopting the title of being "the roommate" its really nice actually) and it was also lovely. We had more turkey and cranberry sauce and pumpkin and sweet potato pies, so food was taken care of and we played a fun mind game, "Contact," so even the family-time games were taken care of. Then last night we went to an American sing along (using Rise Up and Shine, the book) and it was actually quite a lot of fun. Singing some Jewish-y songs, but mostly American folk and "americana" songs that we all knew ranging from James Taylor to Bob Dylan to Ray Charles to Arlo Guthrie, etc, you get the idea. And it was so nice to sing songs about different states (Georgia included!) or American landmarks and ideals especially now as I have become more patriotic having spent time away from America.

But despite all of this, Thanksgiving is still a time for family and makes you remember all the traditions like making the turkey with my father and my mother's cranberry sauce. And that makes it hard to miss. But, here we have made our own little family and its nice that an American holiday reminded me of that.

During dinner on Thanksgiving (at Sushi Bar) we all went around the table and said something that we are thankful for. And I think that this is the first year that I basically said, the love from my family, the support from my friends, and how lucky I am that my life is so easy.

"maybe I've been here before"

In Ulpan today we watched מישהו לרוץ אתו (Someone to run with) a movie, originally a book and once again the insipiration for the title of this blog. Anyways, in the movie (which as a side-note we watched with Hebrew subtitles and with the subtitles and the fact that I had seen it before with English subtitles and read the book, I understood most of it! I'm impressive, I know) Anyways, the story takes place in Jerusalem with the two main characters "running" all around the city. 

And watching it today, I recognized the places they were. When Assaf buys the Pizza, it's at the place on the corner of HaPalmach and HaPortzim. When Tamar is busking, its on the corner of Hazoreg and the street Timol Shilshon is on in front of the guys who sell the Nargilot. And throughout the movie, I noticed more. And I noticed when we saw Assaf on HaPalmach (ordering pizza), the next time we saw him, he was running on Yafo. And anyone who knows Jerusalem knows that those two streets are not a hop, skip, or jump away from each other. It was cool.

And as I was walking home today first from Ulpan then from the after school program (מועדונית) I volunteer at, I realized that Jerusalem is becoming my city. I can give directions and know where I am in the city at any given moment. And though I would not call myself even an eighth of a Jerusalemite (ירושלימי), I feel like I know this city. And by the end of the year, I think it may feel like home. Jerusalem is the place that I (I!) first made a life for myself without family, without someone else doing it for me. 

In twenty years, (I'll be almost forty! what?) I may come here with my own family and children and this will be "my" city. It will be different of course, but nonetheless, I will walk the same streets and see the first apartment I ever rented on my own. The shuk from where I bought the ingredients for my first shabbat meal on my own. The post office (דואר) where I paid my first bills.

And of all the cities in the world, Jerusalem...

climax

So the other night, we spent the later part of the evening with a new friend on Kivunim. We ended up on a porch doing a creative sharing deal where people read their poetry or sang a song they wrote or something. We also learned a little bit about Kivunim and what they do and it sounds like it really is a great program. 

But one kid was reading his poem, and both Eliana and I (from opposite ends of the porch) reacted to it in the same way. He spoke on wanting to live his life to the fullest, to never be comfortable, to "climax" in life constantly and always experience new, etc. And both Eliana and I found it naive. 

Three months ago, I probably would have said something very similar to what this kid is feeling, but after these 2 and a half months, I've lost it. And we didn't understand each other because I want to be ok with sitting on the couch and reading a book all day or watching tv shows online instead of being out and exploring and "living" all of the time. And we are where we are because we have to seize all of our opportunities or in a sense fail this year. In some ways, I think it is harder to be comfortable with being comfortable, but is also tiring to constantly need stimulation and experiences when your whole life is your own. 

And as Eliana and I continued this conversation on the way home, I realized, that being comfortable is not some sly evil, it's being able to hug your mother when you have had a very hard day. 

It's being able to bring your father gatorade the morning after he starts chemotherapy for the second time. 

thank you for everything Edgar

Today we spent the day mostly with Edgar and various Bronfman alumni. It was very nice first to eat lunch in the King David Hotel and then to attend the book interview with David Horowitz. Lunch was nice. Gidi Grinstein from the Reut Center spoke to us, about 20 American and Israeli Alumni and others involved with BYFI, which started a small, civil discourse on the greater Jewish Network. The desert ROOM was fantastic and between Eliana and myself we may have tried everything in there. 

Tonight, we went to the Cinematheque where we drank wine and ate fine cheeses with Hillel bigshots and other of Edgar's acquaintances before heading down to the interview with David Horowitz. It was Edgar explaining and defining his views on North American Jewry and the challenges it faces and basically what he wrote about in his book, Hope not Fear. He started by saying that saying "I believe" is dangerous. But, that he does not believe in the God of the Old Testament and is not sure of a God more greater controlling God and that he is okay with that mystery. Instead, Edgar replaces God with Godliness likening himself to the Golden Rule in a sense. He does not view intermarriage as the enemy and instead takes it as fact and instead of turning ourselves into a ghetto of not allowing intermarriage, we should look to if this couple will create a Jewish Household. Edgar also feels he is pragmatic more than liberal in his ideas as Judaism needs to grow and progress and therefore will not lose its essence if his ideas become more prevalent. He spoke about Hillel, Birthright, and Tzedek. And his move from the Birthright board to the Birthright Next Board to focus on follow-up programing which he feels is vital. He spoke on the fact that he is a Proud Jew and that that is as far as he puts himself in a denomination. And that instead of Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, that we should instead look to what we like in synagogues. Dancing and singing? Davening? Text Study? And by that system we should choose our synagogue (BYFI anyone?) And finally to end, he spoke on the need for further Jewish Education and that more money should be placed into it. But what he said right before that was that anti-semitism no longer exists in the US.

Of course, he is wrong. He cited Al Gore's loss in 2000 and that no one blamed Lieberman for the loss and maybe he is right that in the media and the perspective he comes from there is not anti-Semitism. But I grew up in it. And this has been my issue (ax to grind so to speak) since my first day at Bronfman. So, I called him on it (through a good question and the help of Eliana so I didnt completely botch up my words). Being told that the only reason I am in Beta Club is because Jesus saved me is a form of anti-Semitism. Being told when I complain that I obviously do not believe in the first amendment and it is their right to do so, is anti-semitism. Having prom scheduled on a major Jewish holiday is anti-Semitism. Having my rabbi told not to come to baccalaureate (even though he had been invited by someone else) is anti-Semitism. The jokes and comments in the halls and on the busses is anti-Semitism. The insistence on group prayer in Jesus's name before any sporting event is also a form of anti-Semitism. Working a party as the people you serve sweet tea to joke about their Jewish clients in a derogative manor is anti-Semitism. No Edgar, it's alive and well.

So people tell me to move out of the small town (which I am) but then what is the point of a diaspora if everyone lives in New York and Israel. If the beauty of the Diaspora is that it keeps Jewry around the world alive, how can leaving these areas be the answer. And it has been this struggle for me (and perhaps because it is the only real struggle that I feel I am entitled to or able to sort of speak on with sounding like a complete buffoon, only mostly a buffoon) between my concern for and hate of where I came from. Do we further Jewish Education? Do we just rely on the work of the summer camps that provide sanctuary for a month each summer? Or do we just let it go and support those who get out and don't worry about those who are happy in the environment. It's a question I do not have the answer to and I think that I am sick of focusing on it. But, to say anti-Semitism does not exist is just too bold for today.

עצרת

Last night, Eliana and I spontaneously jumped on a bus and headed from Jerusalem to Tel-Aviv with Avigal for the עצרת. This memorial rally for Yitzchak Rabin is held every year on the anniversary of his assassination in Kikar Rabin כיכר רבין where hundreds if not thousands of people have gathered for the past 13 years. And, I'm not saying that I understand why this happens or how it should make you feel because (thank god) I have never lived through one of my political leaders being assassinated or felt the absolute need for peace now or how it should be achieved. Really, I feel completely inadequate to comment on the topic at all. So, I filmed the rally. I filmed Ehud Barak and Tzipi Livni and Dalia Rabin. I filmed signs and balloons. I filmed singers and drummers. I thought this would help me one day wrap my head around the whole experience. Of how Barack Obama's election changed the tone of the עצרת. And what it means when a memorial rally just becomes a political rally. To hopefully one day really understand the speeches and their specifics and dynamics. And of course, I just accidently deleted all of the footage off my camera. 

judged by the content of character

Last night, we stayed up all night watching the election results come in. Here in Israel, the only American news-source generally available is Fox and all we had, so that is what we watched. And as a side note, not only are they extremely biased (Karl Rove was on every half hour) but they also are extremely behind in news coverage technology and ability. After having grown up watching the CNN Election Center, Fox's amazement with a green screen just seemed a little out of date. But this is not important. What's important is that at 6 am (Israel time) Barack Obama became the next president of the United States of America.

I do not know if it was shock or lack of sleep or whatever, but when the TV flashed Barack Obama as the winner of the 2008 Presidential Election, I just sat there and smiled. No jumping, no screaming, just smiling and staring at Fox News as I watched a country, my country go crazy. I was one of the first million people to donate to the Obama campaign, but as the new sun dawned over the Jerusalem hills and the city glowed golden at the beginning of a new day, I didn't cry, I smiled. And when I heard him speak again accepting his new appointment, the new day's glow and something inside me warmed up and I have been shivering ever since.

Before the election, we watched Dr. King's "I have a dream" speech. Before it started on youtube, I thought this would be a nice touch as we hopefully elected our first black president, but then I heard it and remembered why I love America. It was hard to sit here, in Israel, knowing my friends and family were making phone calls and getting out the vote, while I just sat here. It was hard to see students dancing in front of the White House knowing that if I would have stayed in the states this year, I would have been there. It was hard to realize that I had "left" my country at such a critical time. And it made me realize how much I actually do love the United States of America.

When I heard Dr. King speak of continuing to try to cash the defaulted promissory note of "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" to the American people but not giving up on our bank of justice.  When I heard Dr. King call for rising to and living our nation's creed: "that we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal." When I heard Dr. King dream of a day when his children are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of our character. And When I heard Dr. King hope for a day when American's could sing with a whole new meaning, "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing./Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgram's pride/ from every mountain side, Let freedom ring." Let freedom ring.

This morning I felt freedom ring as Virginian votes gave us the most qualified, intellectual, sophisticated, and personable president I have known in my time. And I remembered for the first time in a long time the potential of America and its people to change. We have come so far. From the state that began the Civil War at Bull Run, came the votes to usher in our first black president. As Thomas Friedman so eloquently put it, today, we ended the Civil War. That hits me flat on the back. Today we ended the Civil War. 147 years later and we can say that the war is over, "Let reconstruction begin." And right now, I want Dr. King to finally be satisfied. I want Thomas Jefferson to see us as Americans stand by our Declaration that every man is created equal, I want Abraham Lincoln to know the light he gave to all disenfranchised Americans with his Emancipation Proclamation is still glowing, and I want JFK to feel this new excitement of the youth and minorities. Because this election was won not by white male voters, but by the young, by the minorities, by women, and by a spirit no one can quite figure out.

I can give you facts and statements and opinions (like I have been for months) on why Obama was the better candidate for Israel, why his economic plan is more sound, how his (not socialized) view for healthcare is necessary, how his world view is more accurate and world reception is stronger. I can tell you how much of an intellectual he is in a time when we need a president smarter than the average Joe, I can tell you how he uses the experience he has for the best and how he has out-campaigned the two best modern campaign systems in the country: the Clintons and the Rove machine. But, I am not going to do that now. Today is about that warm feeling of a new morning sun. Today is about being free at last, today is about the opportunity for change, today is the day for preparing for a tough fight ahead, today is the day that I am going to think of the day when my children will not know a day when a black man, a hispanic, a woman, a Jew, and hopefully a Muslim cannot be president of the United States. 

Today is the day that I am just going to feel how proud I am to call myself a citizen of the United States of America. Thank you Barack and thank you Michelle for reviving this feeling within me. 

kitah bet

So, today I found after much confusion and test grading in my ulpan class, that I made it to kitah bet ('כיתה ב), the next step in my Hebrew learning. On Thursday, we took our test to see who in our class would pass and who would have to go back and do two more months of kitah aleph ('כיתה א). Having always been in the top of my classes and considered a good student, I guess passing big tests just came easily and I often knew that if I did not pass, then the rest of the class wouldn't either... (as horrible as that sounds) but here in ulpan, I had no clue where I stood. The Arabs in my class live in Israel, so they speak Hebrew, but obviously not well if they are in my class. Would they pass, but not me? Or what about Olga, the Russian Olah (עולה-new immigrant) who just seems to absorb Hebrew. Of course she would pass. The test came in two sections. The first was grammar (דיקדוק) and was so easy, it was weird. Then came the reading comprehension which was in past tense which we had not learned yet and the directions to answer the questions were all in Hebrew and I did not understand them at all. But, in the end, I got lucky and passed. With about 90% of my class.

But, I guess what it all has made me think about is the nature of language. What is a language. I thought I knew, but it seems that every time I am in a situation where only Hebrew is being spoken (so I fairly quickly zone out because my understanding abilities can not keep up) I return to this question. As I told Shimon, I function in English. My body functions in English and there is no way around this. And I look at my Israeli friends and realize that they completely function in Hebrew. And just how different we really although I enjoy them more than many English-speaking-Americans I know. But anyways, sometimes I wonder if we all spoke the same language if we would be as close. Does the language barrier bring us closer together because we can not fully understand each other? Obviously, this goes against rational thinking, but I think in many ways it is true. We respect each other for trying to speak the unfamiliar language and are more easily forgiving of uses of slang or intonations that we ourselves would not use or have friends that use. And I guess that learning a new language gives you an opportunity to in a small way change your personality because it gives you a whole new set of vocabulary and if we can change who we are or who we come across as just a little bit with a new language who will Hebrew make me?

But what is a language? I used to think it was a way to converse with people. But it is so much more than that. Like I said, I function in English. My body just responds to English. My mind knows what a hotel is, but a מלון it would have to think about. And it is amazing when I can pass that step. When a חשבון (bill) becomes something that I can't remember in English or when I use דואר always instead of "post office" I realize that this is becoming language. A language isn't really a way of conversing. It is a way of functioning and absorbing the world around us because I can converse with someone (briefly, very briefly) in Hebrew, but all the while I am thinking in English and translating it into Hebrew. This is not what I want a language to be because I am still in the English language. I am still functioning in English. But it is so hard to break this pattern. Even when someone asks me a question or speaks to me in Hebrew, my brain wants to translate it regardless of if I understood just simply the Hebrew. And in many ways, that is why living here and being in ulpan is so hard because I feel that in a way my body is fighting my mind over which language to function in and if I can be (one day) both simultaneously like so many of my friends here. 

And maybe I have just thought to much about this and it is all just ridiculousness (I have been in many all Hebrew conversations that I have zoned out in, though I appreciate them being in Hebrew because every little bit helps) but hopefully, I will find more answers in Kitah Bet. Because today I found out I passed the test. I have three months there. 

Two months in...

This morning, my ulpan class took a small field trip (tiul-טיול) to the Mahane Yehuda Shuk (market) which in itself was hilarious because here we were about thirty people ranging in age from me to about 60 standing in a small market space while people tried to shop pointing out cucumbers, (melafafonim- מלפפונים) fish, (dagim- דגים), oranges (tapuzim-תפוזים) etc. With the venders arguing with our teacher over Hebrew names and with each other over who had the better apples (tapuchim-תפוחים) to show us while we were learning the words, but it was fun as field trips always are. But, really the whole reason for this story is that it jump-started me to actually post on this blog by way of the barbershop where the girl in Someone To Run with (mishehu lrutz ito-מישהו לרוץ איתו) in the beginning of the movie cuts off all of her hair. And as I have used David Grossman's genius to start this blog, I thought while trying to peer around my classmates and many scarfed heads into the little shop that the sighting of this barbershop that I have passed at least 10 times already this year but never noticed, might be some sort of sign. 

And it wasn't just the barbershop that I noticed today in the shuk. When I'm in Mahane Yehuda, I'm shopping, looking for the ripest tomatoes (עגבנייות), the reddest pomegranate (רימונים), the cheapest sweet potato (בטטות). But today, I saw pictures of the vendors, their families, Moshiach. I found places that sell a certain spice or leaf that I have been looking diligently for right where I've walked past it twenty times. And while I answered elderly Israelis' questions as to who we were (all in Hebrew I may add) and thanked them for their כל הכבודים(Kol Hakevodim-all the respect) or moved out of the way of the shuk-wheeley-grocery-holding-bags as old women jabbed them into the back of my ankles muttering a less than heartfelt סליחה(slicha-sorry/excuse me) I realized how lucky I really am to be here.

Eliana and I have set up a few goals for the year. Everyday, I try to have an interaction in Hebrew, whether it is at the post office and someone telling me to push (דחוף)the door instead of pulling(משוך) or to give directions to someone lost or to go grocery shopping in סופרסול (supersol) by myself. "Making a Hebrew" is what we call it. OIB is another goal that I may explain later. To explore every section of the Old City העיר העתיקה(Ha'Ir Ha'Atikah-). And to live this year, ugh there isn't a word so I will use a bunch, successfully/happily/interestingly/fully/appreciatively/completely. 

With the two month mark 3 days away, I must admit that it has been incredibly hard. To go from being an American–Upper–Middle–Class–Suburban–White–Girl from a good family where I can drive to Wal-mart and buy whatever I need or maybe Target or Publix if I want something a little "nicer" to being in the shuk searching for the best/cheapest whatever pushing hordes of people out of my way thinking in English translating everything into Hebrew holding ten different bags of different types of produce then running after the bus so I do not have to wait 20 mins for the next one pushing my way onto the 13 bus to get home only to then cook all of this food (3 times a day) that I just bought. Then when that is all over, there is the kitchen to clean sans dishwasher. And when it's all over, in the end,  it's not that much, millions of people do it everyday. 

And that's just part of the food story. There is also the social life of every Israeli our age being in the army. There is the fright of crime that exists in every city. I have already had two very creepy encounters in public parks that I will spare the details of right now. And then there is the new in Gilo or Hebron or Syria or Gilad or Matan Asa and Carmi Ilan and its amazing to be here and feel it and interestingly not feel it, but it is also grounding. And right now as I type this, I realize how much I love it. And more importantly -and probably where a lot of frustration is coming from- how much I want to share it. I want my parents to see it (whatever "it" is). I want Bogart, Georgia and the people of it to feel it. I want my greater family to understand it. And most importantly I want my brother, Harry, to know it. Maybe that's why I finally let Eliana convince me to write this blog. It gives me something to run with and hopefully you will find something to run with too.